Order not followed

Child Custody Order Not Being Followed? What to Document and What to Check

When a custody order is not being followed, the safest first move is to document clearly, quote the actual clause, and avoid escalating in a way that hurts your position.

Start with the exact duty that was missed

“Not followed” can mean several different things: denied parenting time, late exchanges, refusal to return the child, missed phone calls, unilateral travel, school or medical decisions without notice, unpaid expenses, or ignored holiday rules. Your first job is to identify the clause, not just the behavior.

Urgent red flags: If a child is in danger, a parent refuses to return the child, there is abduction risk, or an order has an emergency deadline, do not wait on a blog post. Contact a lawyer, legal aid, court clerk/self-help center, or emergency services.

What to document

The date, time, location, and exact exchange or decision that did not happen.
The clause that controls it, quoted or screenshotted from your order.
Messages showing notice, refusal, delay, or attempted resolution.
Neutral records: school attendance, travel receipts, calendar entries, police report number, or third-party communication logs when applicable.
The practical impact on the child, not just how angry it made you.

Calm message template

Hi [Name], I am writing to document that the parenting plan/order was not followed on [date]. The order says [quote the relevant clause]. What happened was [specific facts, times, and location]. Please confirm how you plan to correct this and whether you agree to [specific make-up time / exchange / document / reimbursement] by [date/time]. I am trying to resolve this without court involvement, but I need the order followed going forward. Thanks, [Your name]

When to use make-up time vs. enforcement

If the issue is a missed visit, a late exchange, or confusion around a holiday, make-up time may solve the immediate problem if your order allows it. If the other parent repeatedly ignores the order, refuses to return the child, blocks communication, or makes unilateral legal-custody decisions, you may need enforcement advice rather than another informal request.

What not to do

Do not withhold support, exchange, school records, or communication as retaliation.
Do not create a messy text thread full of insults; assume a judge may read it.
Do not rely on memory. Keep a simple chronological log.
Do not ignore your own deadlines for objection, mediation, police report, or court filing.

Check your actual order before you act

Custody wording varies. Upload your parenting plan or order and ask ReadMyCustody what the schedule, notice, make-up time, and dispute clauses say.

Upload your agreement →

Educational only, not legal advice. Custody orders and local court procedures vary. If there is danger, abduction risk, abuse, or an urgent deadline, contact a qualified lawyer, legal aid, or emergency services.