Custody exchanges — the handoff of children from one parent to the other — happen dozens of times a month. They're routine, but they're also the moment where co-parenting friction is most visible. Who drives? What time exactly? What happens when someone is 20 minutes late? What if the child is sick? Your custody agreement should answer all of these questions, and understanding what it says is the first step to smoother exchanges.
Who Is Responsible for Transportation?
Custody agreements handle transportation in several ways. The most common arrangement is that the receiving parent picks up — meaning when it's time for your parenting time to begin, you go get the children. This is sometimes framed as "each parent is responsible for transportation at the beginning of their custodial period."
Some agreements split it differently: one parent always does pickup, the other always does dropoff. Others assign transportation based on who lives further from the exchange point, or simply state that parents "shall share transportation responsibilities equally."
The key is knowing exactly what your agreement says. "Shared responsibility" without more detail is a recipe for arguments about whose turn it is to drive.
Exchange Times and Locations
A good agreement specifies exact times for exchanges — not "Friday evening" but "Friday at 6:00 PM." If your agreement uses vague language like "after school" or "in the evening," consider what happens on school holidays, snow days, or half days. These edge cases are where disputes emerge.
Some agreements designate a specific exchange location — often the children's school (during the school year, one parent drops off in the morning and the other picks up in the afternoon, creating a no-contact exchange), a public place like a police station parking lot, or one parent's residence.
What Happens When Someone Is Late
Some agreements include a grace period — typically 15 to 30 minutes — after which the exchange can be considered missed. If the picking-up parent is more than 30 minutes late without notice, the other parent may be released from the obligation to wait.
If your agreement doesn't include a grace period, there's no automatic cutoff. Being 45 minutes late is frustrating and arguably disrespectful, but it's probably not a contempt-worthy violation unless it's part of a pattern. As always, document every instance of lateness with the date, scheduled time, and actual arrival time.
What are YOUR exchange rules?
Upload your agreement and ask: "What are the pickup and dropoff times?" or "Who is responsible for transportation?" Get the exact clause.
Check Your Agreement — FreeWhen a Child Is Sick During an Exchange
Few agreements address this directly, and it's a common source of conflict. If a child has a mild cold, they can usually still go to the other parent's home. If the child has a fever or something more serious, the custodial parent may feel uncomfortable sending them — but keeping them home could be seen as withholding parenting time.
The safest approach is to communicate immediately, in writing, with specifics: "Sarah has a 102-degree fever and the pediatrician recommended she stay home and rest today. I'd like to propose making up your time this Saturday instead." This shows good faith and keeps the focus on the child's health rather than the schedule.
Third-Party Pickups
Can a grandparent or new partner pick up the children? This depends on your agreement. Some agreements restrict exchanges to the parents only. Others allow "a responsible adult designated by the parent" to handle exchanges. If your agreement is silent, there's technically no restriction — but having someone your co-parent doesn't know show up for an exchange can create unnecessary tension. When in doubt, give advance notice.
Exchange logistics may seem mundane compared to the bigger custody questions, but they happen constantly — and small friction points compound over months and years. Knowing exactly what your agreement requires makes every exchange smoother for you, your co-parent, and most importantly, your children.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Consult a licensed family law attorney for guidance specific to your situation.